


i knew no light until you found me and became my sunshine

by heismysoulmate



Category: Pandora Hearts
Genre: (they're 19/20 here), Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Issues, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Neighbors, Panic Attacks, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Thanksgiving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:15:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27398614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heismysoulmate/pseuds/heismysoulmate
Summary: Crying helps. And it can sometimes change your life.
Relationships: Gilbert Nightray & Oz Vessalius, Gilbert Nightray/Oz Vessalius
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	i knew no light until you found me and became my sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> I needed to write something with my comfort ship, to deal with something, and BAM! we have this.   
> It was supposed to be shorter, but at this point it's obvious I can't write short fics.

Gilbert couldn't hold it in any longer. It hurt so much. All the pain and sadness was overwhelming, crashing down on him with bad memories. Eventually it made him start crying loudly. 

And when he started he couldn't stop.

Wretched sobs were escaping his mouth, tears rolling down red cheeks. He was choking on them, crying so hard he almost couldn't breathe.

His hands started shaking, and he just couldn't stop it. It was too much, he couldn't…

Gilbert didn’t even want to stop. He deserved to feel like this. But the thought still made another loud cry escape his mouth.

Why… Why…?

Then he heard a quiet knock on the front door.

Nightray was so surprised that it somehow stopped his crying. He managed to take one deeper breath, and quietly went to the door to check who could it be.

Through the peephole he saw that in front of his door was standing a blonde boy around his age. Seeing how the stranger wasn't wearing a jacket nor a hat, and it was already almost winter, it was possible that he was living in this block.

Boy knocked again.

Maybe it was one of his neighbours? What if there was some problem? He remembered when Elliot told him how he accidentally flooded his neighbours, without even realizing.

Gilbert didn't want to give problems to anyone, so he quickly wiped most of his tears and opened the door.

"Hello." Boy's smile was sympathetic. "I'm your neighbour.” He pointed at the next door. “And I was wondering: was it you crying?"

Nightray was so shocked he couldn't answer.

"I'm sorry, just, those walls are literally made of paper." Gilbert had no idea. Shit. "Are you okay?" Boy looked concerned.

"Yes! Everything is okay, I'm sorry." He was never so embarrassed in his life.

"Okay…" Boy didn't look convinced, but apparently didn't know what to say more, because he turned and went into his flat.

Gilbert closed the door and wished for the ground to swallow him.

The ground didn't seem to listen to him though, and he only wanted to start crying again. But he was afraid to do so, because his neighbour could hear again.

He took a shaky breath and went to wash his face. Maybe if he would busy himself with cleaning the house it will help? It was always calming him a little.

Half an hour later Gilbert was scrubbing the kitchen sink, when it occurred to him how it was actually really nice of his neighbour that he cared. No one really cared about Gilbert, not to this extent. And he was a stranger who took interest in him, and looked really worried.

Nightray decided that he should probably thank him. And apologise too.

Maybe he could bake him something? He was always told that his cooking was great, so even if he didn't believe it entirely, it was best he could do.

And so, next afternoon, Gilbert was standing in front of boy’s door with a chocolate cake. He wasn't sure what his neighbour could like, so he decided to do something simple, and most people liked chocolate, right?

He knocked three times and waited, feeling more nervous with every passing second.

But after a short moment the boy opened, looking at him with surprise.

"Hi, I… I wanted to thank you… for the other day… And apologise for disturbing you, too. So just- ummmm..." This wasn't going how he planned. "Sorry, and… This is for you, I hope you like chocolate."

"Oh? But you didn't have to!" Boy shook his head, but then smiled. "Now you have to come in and eat it with me."

Gilbert blinked slowly, not knowing what to do. He didn't expect this.

But the blonde already moved to the side, letting him inside, so he didn't really have a choice, did he?

“I don't think I introduced myself." Boy closed the door behind him. "I'm Oz."

"Gilbert."

"Oh, it's such a pretty name."

Nightray could feel his cheeks heating up. He wasn't used to compliments. "T- Thank you."

Oz just sent him a smile, and led him to the kitchen. 

Gilbert put the cake on the table and looked around. Walls were painted green, there were dishes on the dish drying rack, and some dirty mugs in the sink. In the corner was standing the fridge with many colourful magnets on it.

"I'm sorry, it's a little dirty," boy said, sweeping crumbs from the table. "I wasn't expecting any guests. Do you want tea or coffee?"

"You really don't have to…"

"Tea or coffee?" Oz seemed to be unyielding.

"Coffee, please."

While his host got to making their drinks, he decided to inspect the magnets closer. There were really a lot of them. From all over the country.

"You were in all those places?"

"Oh, no. I wish. But my uncle travels a lot, and he always brings me one from the places he visits."

Gilbert noticed a familiar name and without thinking he touched one of the magnets.

"Oh, this one is actually from my hometown."

He didn't hear when Oz came closer, and stood right behind him.

"I- I used to live there, too."

"Really?!" Oz laughed lightly. "What a coincidence. You have to tell me everything. Who knows, maybe we already were neighbours in the past!"

Two hours passed really quickly.

They talked about the town they both used to live in, Oz complimented his cake, saying it was the best he ever ate, they talked about snacks, and drank their coffee, and somehow ended up talking about books. Gilbert didn't remember when was the last time he talked that much and was really surprised when he saw how late it was.

"Oh, I have to get going! Sorry, I didn't want to take so much of your time."

Oz shook his head. "I was taking away your time too, and honestly? I enjoyed it a lot. We have to do it again sometime."

Oh… Sure, Gilbert enjoyed it a lot too, but didn't expect that the feeling was mutual.

"Okay, gladly."

Boy smiled in answer, and for a moment Gilbert's mind went blank.

"Well then… see you later?"

"Bye, Gilbert."

Boy waving his hand was the last thing he saw before the door closed.

***

For the next couple of weeks he saw Oz when they were passing by each other on the staircase. They always exchanged some greetings and smiles.

For some reason Gilbert always awaited those meetings, and was excited when coming back home.

One Sunday he heard a knock on the door, and when he opened he saw his neighbour with two cups of coffee.

"We were supposed to meet again, right? But sorry, I can't bake, so I brought coffee."

Gilbert couldn't stop the smile, when he was letting the boy in.

They again spend hours talking about everything and nothing at all.

There was something about Oz… Gilbert wasn't quite sure what it was exactly: his personality, that seemed both complex and simple at the same time? The way he smiled while listening to Nightray’s every word? How it was so easy to talk to him? Or maybe something about how his eyes shone sometimes? 

No matter the reason, he wanted to spend more time with Oz. Get to know him better. It was the first time when he was that interested in another person. But he liked that feeling.

Time was passing, and their meetings in each other's flats became more frequent.

Then, when he was coming back home one day…

"YAAAAAAAEEEIIII"

"Huh?" Oz, who was opening the door to his apartment, looked at Gilbert standing on the stairs. "What's wrong, Gil?"

"There is a cat!"

The creature was sitting at the top of stairs, blocking his way, and looking at him with blue eyes.

"Oh, yes. It's my sister's. They are renovating the house, so she had to move the cat somewhere for a couple weeks so nothing will happen to it. I agreed to take care of this little one."

"I- I'm afraid of cats," Gilbert admitted, in a shaky voice. "Can you take it?"

From the place Nightray was standing, he couldn't see the glint that appeared in his neighbour’s eyes.

"Oh?" Boy came closer, and took the animal into his arms. "You see this, Snowdrop? Gil doesn't like you, and he won't come to visit you."

"I-"

"You made her sad." Honestly Oz's pouting face looked way sadder than cat's, which looked just bored.

"I didn't want to, I'm sorry." Why was he even apologising?

"So, you're coming in?" Vessalius asked, opening the door.

"Now?"

"Yes?"

Gilbert didn't want to argue, so, having a bad feeling about that, he entered the house that the cat was in. 

At the beginning it wasn't that bad. Cat went to check the house, while he and Oz headed to the kitchen. They talked about weather and made tea, with no fur balls in sight. But then, when they went into the living room to sit down, the creature was lying on the couch, in the exact place that Gilbert always occupied.

He stopped for a moment, not sure what to do. In the meantime Oz got to the couch and sat down.

"What is it?" He asked, looking at Gil with the most innocent face.

Was he doing it on purpose? Nightray decided he won't be provoked, and went to sit down too. As far from cat as he could, so he was sitting so close to Oz that they were almost touching.

It worked out... for some time.

But the cat was really a creature from hell, sent here to torment him… or maybe it just wanted to be petted. Whatever the reason it started coming closer, and Gilbert just couldn't hold it in any longer.

"Whaaaaa!" 

He ended up almost in Oz's lap, hiding his face in boy's crook of neck. But he didn't think, he just wanted to hide! And didn't move, even when Vessalius started laughing.

"Gilbert…" He could feel how Oz shook his head. He probably thought how silly his neighbour was. Well, he should probably... But then Gilbert felt a hand on his head, that was tenderly massaging his scalp.

Nightray was so surprised that for a moment he forgot about everything, even the cat. When was the last time when someone touched him so gently? It was nice. So nice… He closed his eyes and relaxed a little. 

(Only when he was finally touched did he realize how touch starved he was.)

"Your hair is really soft, huh," Oz whispered so quietly, Gilbert wasn't sure if he was supposed to hear it.

But before he had a chance to think about it, he felt a paw touching his leg.

He snuggled closer into Oz, trying to stop shaking.

"C- Can you take it away?" 

"If she's really bothering you that much…" He regretted saying anything, when the warm body next to him was gone. "Come on Snowdrop," boy said, picking up the animal. "Gil doesn't want to play with you."

After taking the cat into his arms, Oz was sitting on the other side of the couch. It was how they would usually sit, but… suddenly it felt like it was too far.

Nightray tried moving closer a few times, but whenever Oz noticed, he was asking if he changed his mind and wants to hold the cat.

He was messing with Gilbert, for sure. Nightray didn’t know that the boy had it in him. But for some reason, he didn't really mind.

***

He wasn’t in the best mood when he was coming back home that day. But it changed when he saw his neighbour, who was just going out.

"Hi, Oz."

"H-" Boy turned to face him, but then just froze when he noticed Gilbert.

Nightray gave him a moment, but when the blonde was still staring, he started feeling uncomfortable.

"Everything okay?"

"I- Yes! Just…” Was it a blush on his cheeks? Huh… Cute. “Ummm… You look…"

Gilbert started playing with his sleeves, suddenly self-conscious. He was wearing his black suit with a blue tie, and his hair was tied. So he definitely looked different from how Oz usually saw him. He didn't like dressing up, but this time he had to.

"You look good." Vessalius continued, and Gilbert felt his cheeks heating up.

"Thank you…"

"So, what was the occasion?" Boy turned to lock the door, so he couldn't see his face. "A date?"

"What?! No. I was having a family dinner, and they just insist on official clothing." Gilbert sighed.

"Oh?" Oz looked at him. "You must be seeing your family often then. If you had dinner today, and Thanksgiving is coming, so you'll see them again."

"Ummm… no, not really.” He sighed again. “We're not celebrating... Father says he has nothing to be thankful for. So I'm just staying here every year."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay! I don’t mind. If I had to force myself to see them again… Christmas once a year is hard enough. Just... We're not really close…" He started looking down and playing with his sleeves again.

Suddenly there was a warm hand on his shoulder.

"I get it." Oz's voice was soft. "I haven't seen my father for a couple of years. And it’s okay for me. My sister and uncle are the only family I need."

"Fathers just suck," Gilbert mumbled.

He wasn't expecting to hear a sweet, happy laugh in an answer. He looked at Vessalius surprised, but also mesmerized.

"They do, so…" Boy raised his hand, and gently put a loose strand of hair behind Gilbert's ear. "You shouldn't beat yourself down because of them."

Nightray felt really warm in the face, while his heart skipped a beat.

Then Oz moved away, and only then he registered how close they were standing earlier.

"I have to go, but see you later?"

"Yeah."

Vessalius sent him a smile and then went down the stairs.

When Gilbert was already inside his flat, he quickly got rid of his tie and suit jacket. Stupid clothes, annoying him.

Though it was funny how, because of them, his neighbour thought that he was on a date. Him? On a date? With whom?

The only person he liked was Oz.

…

Gilbert stopped in the middle of his living room.

Did he really just…? 

This thought appeared seemingly out of nowhere. But the longer he thought about it… It was true. And it was there for some time already.

Nightray felt weak in his knees, so he sat down.

He liked Oz.

Gilbert enjoyed every moment he spent with the boy, but also always wanted more. He loved seeing him smile, and trusted him enough to tell him about his family, even if he usually avoided this subject at all costs. He thought about him a lot, too. And he wanted to be closer. To touch Oz's hair, hold his hand, put a hand on his cheek…

He remembered how fast his heart was beating moments ago, when Oz was so close, touching his hair. 

Shit.

He fell for his neighbour.

***

Gilbert was afraid that, the next time he sees his neighbour, his new-found feelings will be written all over his face.

But it went just like always. Sure, he was more clumsy than usually, blushing like crazy, but Oz just teased him about it, not questioning the reason. And he didn't mind, he was already used to boy's teasing. 

So everything was going good?

Yeah, as if. 

It could. But then one day… He got a message from Jack.

And maybe that wasn't the worst thing that could happen. He could ignore it.

But then was another one and another. Making Gilbert more anxious with every second. He didn't want to have anything to do with Jack anymore. He didn’t want to read those and think about it.

What finished him off, was when Glen texted him. 

Maybe Baskerville could forgive what Jack did. Forget how he betrayed them. How he hurt him and Vincent, who were just kids at the time. 

But Gilbert wasn't ready. And he'll probably never be, so why did they have to push?

He felt his breath catching in his throat, when memories started coming back to him.

No, he couldn't…

But tears were already filling his eyes, and his hands were shaking.

He couldn't have a panic attack now!

Boy tried to calm himself by counting slowly in his mind from 10 to 1, but when he was at 6 the next message came.

Fuck.

He curled into a ball and just started crying loudly. It was hard to breathe in this position, but he didn’t care. Even when he started hyperventilating because of it.

Why couldn’t they just leave him alone?

Like a blur he heard a sound and a voice, but he couldn't think straight, so he didn't even know what it was. Until the sound became louder, and then he felt a delicate touch on his shoulder.

"Gil, it's me. Gil… Can you look at me?"

His eyes were unfocused, but he raised his gaze to look at someone, who after a moment he recognized. 

Oz was tense, looking at his neighbour intensively, but when he saw that Gilbert did listen to him, he smiled a little soft smile.

"Good boy. Now, I need you to sit up, okay?"

He just shook his head.

"Gilbert." Oz frowned, and then started slowly drawing circles with a hand that was still on Nightray's shoulder. "Come on, Gil. You can't just lie like that, sit up. For me."

His eyes’ focus came back, but the vision was still blurry, due to the tears that didn't stop falling. But he could see those green eyes. Pleading, worried. Shit, he did it again. He gave him trouble.

So Gilbert slowly sat up, and was ready to start apologising, when Oz just sat next to him, and pulled Nightray into his arms.

"It's okay," he said quietly, while hugging him tightly. "I'm here. You're safe."

And the best part was… he really did feel safe. Surrounded by Oz's smell of honey, fresh grass and some flowers, with his head smashed into boy’s chest. He felt safe, like never before.

Gilbert started sobbing, wrapping his arms around the blonde.

He wasn't sure how long they sat there. At one moment Vessalius started humming some melody, and Gilbert could feel his breath even out, even if he was still shaking.

"Your shirt is wet. I'm sorry," he mumbled finally.

"I don't mind." Was Oz's calm answer.

"How did you get in?"

"The door were open. And we need to talk about this one day, it's dangerous."

"I must have forgotten. They’re usually closed."

"Hmmm…" He could feel that Vessalius wasn't satisfied with that answer. "Do you want tea? I can make some."

They were still hugging, and Gilbert didn't want to let go, but he assumed that he had to. He couldn't hold on to Oz forever.

"Yeah."

"Okay." Boy kissed the top of his head, and got up to go to the kitchen.

Wait, he… 

Well, Gilbert was too tired to even get excited about that. He only gathered enough energy to wipe his nose with a tissue, and his eyes and cheeks with the sleeve. Although most of the tears soaked into Oz's shirt.

"Here you go," Vessalius said, when he came back with a steaming mug.

"Thank you… And I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Don’t mention it.”

For a moment they sat in silence. 

Gilbert drank his tea, trying to pull himself together. Oz sat quietly next to him, and didn’t look like was about to go home, even if he could have. Maybe he should say something, then?

“You’re not going to ask?” Nightray said, putting the empty mug away.

“Ask about what?” Boy tilted his head.

“What happened here.”

“I don’t care.” Oz shrugged. “I mean, it’s obviously something bad, if it triggered a panic attack? So I’m not going to ask and make you think about it. Because I want you to be okay. And I trust that when you’ll be ready, you’ll tell me yourself.”

Gilbert blinked slowly. 

“Hey, did I tell you about this one time when I fell off the swing when I was a kid? I think I was around six then, and…"

Oz talked about his childhood and other things, and Gilbert listened until he forgot about most of his problems. 

His pretty neighbour really was a cure for all bad things.

***

Then Thanksgiving came.

Gilbert was grateful that he got to spend some time alone. It was peaceful and he could finally rest.

He had no idea that this Thanksgiving would be different.

And so, he was sitting in his most comfortable chair, with his hair slightly wet, and a book in hand. Next to him, on the coffee table, was a turkey sandwich and a cup of warm coffee.

Calm, perfect evening.

Until someone knocked on his door.

Nightray was surprised, who could it be today. He wasn’t expecting any guests, so he just assumed he misheard. But then he heard the knocking again.

He got up and went to the door. And when he looked through the peephole, he saw no one else than his neighbour.

"Oz?" He said, opening the door.

Vessalius was standing on his doorstep with an expression he never saw, and couldn’t decipher. His hat was askew, his jacket undone, showing a green sweater (that looked great on him).

"Hi." Boy was breathless.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were having dinner with your family today?"

"I did. But…" He shook his head.

"Did something happen?"

"We were about to have dinner, but… apparently talking about your neighbour all the time, while not doing anything about it, won't work with them. They sent me away, and told me to get it together, if I want to dine with them."

Gilbert didn't understand what was going on, but Oz was still talking.

"They were probably right. I should stop being a coward…" Boy tugged at his own sleeve. Then he looked Gilbert in the eyes, and Nightray suddenly couldn't move. "Gilbert… will you go out with me?"

What was going on?

Was he really standing on his doorstep, in loose clothes, bare foot, with damp hair, and was being asked out by his gorgeous neighbour, who he liked?

Nightray pinched himself in the shoulder. It hurt.

"Okay, so I'm not asleep," he mumbled.

"Gilbert?" Vessalius sounded unsure.

"Yes," he said, looking at the boy. "I will!"

Oz smiled so sweetly at him, that he thought he's going to lose it.

"Okay, great! I will get to you about it, but now I have to go back to my uncle and sister. I hope they didn't eat everything yet… But, yeah, I'll let you know when I'll come back? And we'll go somewhere. Okay."

And after this a little chaotic speech, Oz leaned in, kissed his cheek, and ran down the stairs.

Gilbert wasn't sure how long he was looking after him. But when he finally came back to his chair, he was still smiling.

It was the best Thanksgiving ever.


End file.
